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How to Win Friends and Influence People – My Favourite Notes from the Book

My Favourite notes from the book : How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

  • Learning is an active process. We learn by doing.
  • By criticising, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.
  • Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. ‘A great man shows his greatness,’ said Carlyle, ‘by the way he treats little men.’
  • Everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great.
  • We often take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.
  • The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
  • Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.
  • Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.
  • One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation. Somehow, we neglect to praise our son or daughter when he or she brings home a good report card, and we fail to encourage our children when they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse. Nothing pleases children more than this kind of parental interest and approval.
  • The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared. Appreciate others effort often.
  • Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.
  • Only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
  • Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something.
  • If there is any one secret of success, said Henry Ford, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.
  • Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing. But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love.
  • You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
  • Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins friends for you, but may develop in its customers a loyalty to your company.
  • People who smile, tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children.
  • You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.
  • A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.
  • Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  • Always make the other person feel important.
  • The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said: ‘The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
  • Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
  • If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.
  • Buddha said: ‘Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,’ and a misunderstanding is never ended by a argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
  • The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  • Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong.’
  • If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

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